Saturday, August 28, 2010

Why, despite my contempt for most seated judges, I like law for its own sake

Because every so often you get to ponder questions like this one: "Does Dressing Up as a Cop, Staging Fake Traffic Stops, Looking for Drugs, and then Keeping the Drugs Violate the Fourth Amendment?" I am inclined to agree with the professor (insofar as I understand him) that the judge had two rational options:

1. He could say that they were not state actors and therefore the Fourth Amendment charge was bogus.

2. He could say that they were state actors (by virtue of dressing up as state actors) and therefore treated them as such, meaning that the question of whether they violated the Fourth Amendment would have depended upon whether -- as they claim they did -- they followed appropriate procedures such as only stopping people for probable cause, etc.

What he instead did, was to treat them as state actors (even though they, while they were certainly actors, they had no true affiliation whatsoever with the state) long enough to let them be indicted for that, and then switch gears and NOT treat them as state actors (that is, he applied rules to them that would not have been applied to real police officers) when the Fourth Amendment stuff came up. In other words, I'll say whatever I want to say in order to facilitate the prosecution, and logic be damned. Not an impressive performance, in my least, not if the professor represents the law correctly.

Isn't this fun? (Don't answer that.)

Friday, August 27, 2010

Please do me a favor and read this short article...

...on international adoptions.

I particularly like this bit: "My wife, born in South Korea, was adopted by an American family at the age of 6 and welcomed into a Midwestern community. I first saw her when we were both 10, and I have never recovered."

Monday, August 23, 2010

Good question

Saturday, August 21, 2010

You Keep Using That Word...

...I do not think it means what you think it means.

HT: failblog

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Employee Of The Month Award Dept

Christopher Rohrman, Dumbest Employee Ever: Tries To Solicit His Boss' [sic] 11-Year-Old Daughter

Promotional Giveaway Of The Day Dept

Friday, August 13, 2010

Hmmmmm...not sure I'll be taking this guy's advice

In an article entitled "Never Marry a Chinese Woman," some guy who's ashamed to give his real name quotes the famous description of Chinese women as "steel rods swathed in flowers" and then goes on to say, among other things:
The good news is that unlike Western Women, who will make you pay for days (or years) for your crimes, Chinese women tend to let you off as soon as you've appropriately groveled (this must take place in your home, which is actually her domain, not yours) for an hour or two, and you've told her your sorry, and lastly, you've bought her a gift (do not forget about the ever important relationship saving gift). But if you want to get off without dismemberment, do not act as if you don't understand what you did wrong (even though you inevitably do not understand). Suck it up, admit your guilt, and promise never to do it again, even if you have no idea of what exactly it is that you will not do again, and life will be back to normal in short order.
This is amusing advice, at least. But I have to say I'm disinclined to pay much attention to him given his little bio blurb at the end (emphases added):
Harry Monk (nom de plume), much experienced with life in China, has had several long term relationships with both Western and Chinese women. He currently lives in China and is happily committed to a three year relationship with a beautiful Chinese lady.
Um...about this "long-term" and "committed" thing...[in Inigo Montoya accent] "you keep using those words..."

This is the best copy of the infamous Minute Maid line drive incident I've been able to find

"I lost it in the lights..." Um...have to say my reaction is exactly the same as the play-by-play guys'...

Thursday, August 12, 2010

It's So Much Easier To Cook When You Have Exactly The Right Equipment Dept

HT: FailBlog.

Criminal Mastermind Of The Day Dept

New Rule: When texting your drug dealer for new supply, make sure you type the number correctly.

HT: FailBlog.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I approve of mothers who train their children to use good grammar

For example, I'm at the Astros game last night, standing out at the right-field fence during the Brave's batting practice an hour and a half before gametime, and a mom shows up with her two sons, maybe five and seven years old. Now, I approve of bringing your kids to the park, and I approve very much of bringing them there in time for batting practice, and I approve of explaining to them what's going on out on the playing field, as she proceeded to do. And since I also approve of parents who watch their kids' grammar, I was very interested to hear the following conversation transpire:

5-YEAR-OLD: I wish I'd've goed there.

MOM [with some amusement]: "Goed"? "GOED"?

[5-YEAR-OLD looks blank, as he's not sure what he's supposed to say]

7-YEAR-OLD [helpfully]: You mean, "I wish I'd've WENT there."

MOM [with satisfaction]: That's better.

Wedding date set...

...for 19 September.

We will waive the tradition in which the bride's guests and family are on one side of the church and the groom's guests and family are on the other, for fear that the church, like the island of Guam, might capsize.

For the first time ever I have yanked a post in disgust

That's because the delightful story of how a certain young lady quit her job using a dry erase board, which was originally linked to in the post you are now reading, turns out to have been a hoax on the part of the website that reported it, put together solely for the purpose of increasing their traffic. So, to that website: um, never mind what I was going to say and the hand gestures that were going to accompany it, as I have an example to set for the children. Let's just say: No link for you!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The ticket is paid for... now I'm locked in: I'm going to Shanghai on 17 September. Will get back home 4 October. (Note to the potential felons among my Gentle Readers: there's no point in hustling over to my house to rob it as soon as I'm gone because plenty of people will still be there.)

So, I land in Shanghai on 18 September, legal documents in hand, and propose marriage. I leave Shanghai on 4 October. What happens in between...

Well, that's sort of up to Helen, isn't it?

Latest Sign Of The Apocalypse Dept

THIS is Miss...NORWAY????????

Sunday, August 08, 2010

What I love about this one... the work somebody went to in order to set it up.

HT: SoMuchPun, which has mostly very lame stuff but every so often something snorkable.

La Fuerza Es Intensa En Éste Dept

Rodney-Worthy Line Of The Day Dept

Bob Nickman channels Rodney Dangerfield: "I went to the beach today. I could feel the women just dressing me with their eyes."

Saturday, August 07, 2010

Because I am a respector of copyrights...

...I will only link, and tell you that you really do need to see this demotivational poster regarding "Bailouts" (which is for sale...I'm serious about respecting the copyright).

Friday, August 06, 2010

What I love is, the freako power-trippers still don't think they did anything wrong!!!

Because God forbid that a seven-year-old girl should be allowed to run a lemonade stand without a license.

HT: Dave.

Pun Of The Day Dept

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

New Olympic Sport of the Day Dept

HT: FailBlog.

Criminal Mastermind of the Day Dept

The headline says it all, I think:

"Man calls police to say his marijuana was stolen"

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

I suppose I should have this one displayed prominently above my desk

HT: VeryDemotivational. Standard warning about allowing your kids to cruise that site, namely: don't.

Real Man Of The Day Dept

It's one thing for a guy to run around with the name "Billy Joe Garcia;" I suppose that's the fault of one's redneck momma and Mexican papa. And it's one thing to get yourself arrested because you're carrying child pornography around on your cell phone while you wander about in a public park late at night after the park has been closed down.

But the key sentence in this story is this one, which explains how the officer who saw Garcia violating the park curfew came (rightly, in the Peril's opinion) to believe he had probable cause to examine Garcia's phone:

"Since [the phone] was teal-colored with a picture of Tinker Bell on the front screen, the officer thought it might be stolen and belong to a girl."

Monday, August 02, 2010

How can you tell that a reporter is reporting on an issue he doesn't know squat about?

Perhaps when an article mentions that a political group encourages its members to read the works of Ludwig von Mises and Friedrich...Nietzsche?? (That error has since been connected by somebody who knows the difference between Friedrich Nietzsche and the winner of the following classic freestyle battle.)

So THAT'S What That Means Dept

Sort of on the edge of family-friendliness, but I figure I don't have to explain it to anybody who doesn't get it...and what a great visual pun! Just couldn't resist it.

Hat tip: VeryDemotivational. (NOT a kid-safe site.)

IMPORTANT UPDATE: One of the guys at work (who shall remain nameless since I'm not sure he'd be okay with being named) saw this post and promptly copied it into an e-mail, which he sent to his wife with the subject line, "Check out this sex tape I got from Kenny -- it's graphic!" Um, thanks for that, Nameless Coworker.

Sunday, August 01, 2010

Now that was nice

Anya and Sean and Kegan all went to church with me this morning...but the church they picked was, oddly, La Casa de Celebración, despite the fact that Sean only speaks a little Spanish while neither Kegan nor Anya speaks any at all. But it's a great church, and Anya knows I enjoy it and knows how much I like my kids to go to church with me, and Kegan had heard good things about it from they all decided to go with me.

'Course, that made for kind of a noisy back pew, since one of the ladies from the church was translating the sermon into English for Sean and Kegan while I was translating it into Russian for Anya. But since CdC is a pretty noisy church itself (lots of congregational participation even during the sermon) nobody minded.

I was also amused to discover that, this being the first Sunday of the month, CdC offered communion. It turns out that CdC offers communion on the first Sunday of every month -- but despite being a regular attender for almost two years now I had no idea. I only go, you see, on Sundays when Rusty and Sally and Merry aren't with me (since they don't know Spanish either)...and it had never occurred to me that, since the first Sunday of every month is my weekend, I had literally never, not ever once, attended CdC on a first Sunday. So, um, I guess I've sort of redefined "regular attendance" in my own special way...