Hey, Can You Give Us a Hand Here? Dept

The Onion passes on to its readers a request from the Department of Homeland Security. It seems a blue folder has gone missing. Hey, that happens to me all the time. Generally my solution is to tell Rusty because he's really good at finding stuff I've mislaid.

My favorite bit:

Though he maintained that the folder itself was not of the utmost importance, Chertoff claimed the contents within had "sentimental value" to the DHS.