Dr....um...some Chinese doctor answers your questions about diet and exercise

My friend [name withheld by request] provides the following expert advice from a doctor whose picture, but not whose name, my friend was able to provide:

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart’s only good for so many beats, and that’s it... Don't waste it on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up heart won’t make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp the logistical efficiencies. What do cows eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also is a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give 100% of the recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: If you have a body and you have fat, the ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, the ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU ARE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried in vegetable oil. How can getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only do sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO… Cocoa beans! Vegetable!!! Cocoa beans are the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, [my friend concludes,] I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.