Why it's kind of a trial to be my friend

'Cause I'm ornery (pronounced "AHOHN-ree").

Conversational Exhibit A:

FRIEND [as the Peril wanders past where she's standing]: Hey, Kenny, do you know what time it is?

PERIL [consults his watch, then cheerfully]: Yep.

Conversational Exhibit B, occurring on the Thursday following the Sunday that was the Peril's 43rd birthday:

FRIEND: Kenny, I'd like to take you out to lunch for your birthday. Will that work today?

PERIL: That's very nice of you, but you do realize my birthday's almost a year from now, right?