Saturday, September 06, 2008

Little-known Sarahcuda facts

Since I mentioned the Chuck-Norris-style Sarah Palin riffs, here are a few from just one site I googled up, so you guys can see what I mean (I tightened a couple of them up):

Death once had a near-Sarah Palin experience.

Sarah Palin once booked a flight to Europe. The French immediately surrendered.

Sarah Palin can divide by zero.

Global warming doesn’t kill polar bears -- Sarah Palin kills polar bears. With her teeth.

Sarah Palin begins every day with a moment of silence for the political enemies buried in her yard.

Sarah Palin is the reason compasses point North.

More along those lines from this guy:

Sarah Palin turned down a job as skipper of a Deadliest Catch boat because it wasn't challenging enough. (Funnier if you know that she actually has worked as a commercial fisherman. And even funnier if you try to imagine Barack Obama on an Alaskan fishing boat.)

Chuck Norris wishes he was Sarah Palin trapped in a man's body.

We don't know who would win in a Chuck Norris - Sarah Palin cage match because they've never invented a cage that can hold Sarah Palin.

Alaska is the 49th state solely because they knew, even before she was born, that Sarah Palin would never finish last.

And still more:

Sarah Palin’s enemies are automatically added to the Endangered Species List. (Compare to the classic, "There is no such thing as evolution, only species Chuck Norris has allowed to live.")

Sarah Palin can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Sarah Palin’s son waited until after the Surge to go to Iraq, because sending a Palin and a Surge at the same time would have been unfair to al-Qaeda.


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