The Peril winds up looking silly three separate times in forty-eight hours
1. It turns out that it is, not in fact, a sign of stupidity when one checks with the fast-food joint just to make sure that their root beer is caffeine-free. Various commenters both on-line and off-line, all of whom seem to have been much more diligent parents than I, have pointed out that there are indeed caffeinated root beers on the market, and that responsible parents proactively protect their children from the nefarious versions.
On the bright side, it's easy to learn something new every day when one has rich fields of virgin ignorance still unplowed in the breezy wide-open spaces of one's mind.
2. Trisha (or is it Tricia?), my co-worker, was walking toward the trade-floor doors and I gallantly decided to save her the trouble of digging out her badge by opening the door for her. I give the door a good yank, but the electric eye doesn't seem to have disengaged the lock yet. I try it again; still doesn't work. I glare in exasperation at the little housing where the electric eye lurks, then look back down at the door...and notice the sign, and also the smile that Trisha is trying, though not very hard and not very successfully, to hide. I push the door open and Trisha says helpfully, "It's the other push."
3. There was something else very moronic that I did today, and that's actually the story I meant to tell, but I was saving the best for last. Unfortunately, having distracted myself by telling the first two stories, I am now horrified to discover that I can't remember the story I actually started off intending to tell. I'm not making this up; I've genuinely gone absolutely blank.
So [exasperated sigh] I guess that makes four times.