Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The Peril confuses a teenager

So Kegan and I are waiting for our turn at the Arby's drive-through when, having already rolled down my window --

Wait a second, I just realized something. I very sincerely doubt that my children have ever in their entire lives rolled down a window. Have they ever even seen a car with a window that works on a hand crank that you turn round and round in circles to raise and lower your window? Yet more evidence that I ain't been raisin' my chilluns proper. And while we're on the subject: today Anya wanted to know what is the English for цепочка [tsyépochka], and when I told her it was a "keychain," she said in confusion, "key...chain?"

"Yes, Anya, I know they aren't really 'chains' now, but we still call them that in English." And in Russian, too, actually, once I thought about it, since tsyépochka means something like "cute little chainlet". I thought she thought it was weird to call it a "chain" but actually she was just trying to practice the pronunciation. But the point is that I suddenly realized it's odd to call those little things "chains." So, yeah, Anya, it's a "chain," and while we're at it -- reach over there to that little button on your door and "roll down" your window...

Where was I? Oh, yes. So, I already have the window rolled down, which lets me hear quite plainly when the woman in front of me asks, "Is your root beer caffeine-free?"

Now here's a question for you Gentle Readers: is that really as stupid a question as it seems like to me? What's next, "Is your ginger ale caffeine free?" "Is your Gatorade caffeine-free?" "What about your distilled water -- it doesn't have caffeine in it, does it?" "No, ma'am, it doesn't...well, except for our boiled Swiss water, of course." At any rate, I thought it was pretty hilarious to be asking whether a fast-food joint could offer caffeine-free root beer; plus the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I'm the perfect target audience for that new concept drink, "Mountain Root." Considering how much root beer I drink anyway, I'd never again have to raid the BG refrigerators and force down a Mountain Dew in the early afternoon after an unduly somniferous lunch.

Well, she pulls away, and now its our turn.


DAD: [to Kegan] Whatcha want?

KEGAN: A #8 combo.

DAD: [to Teenager Dude] Can we get a #8 combo, please?

TEENAGER DUDE: What would you like to drink with that?

DAD: [to Kegan] Drink?

KEGAN: Root beer.

DAD: [to Teenager Dude] Let's have a root beer...[decides he can't resist] Caffeine-free, if you have it.


[more silence]

TEENAGER DUDE: [in obvious confusion] I'm sorry, sir, what kind of drink did you order again?...


At 12:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


My Mazda pickup has the crank windows in it. I am proud to say that several teenagers in Cedar Park have seen that technology in action. Just doin' my part. Grace calls them Dads old school windows.


At 6:04 PM, Blogger Kris with a K said...

Ya know, some root beers have caffeine, and some don't. And some, like Barqs and A&W, choose to caffeinate only their sugar or diet versions. It's quite confusing to parents of toddlers (who, for the sake of their own sanity, restrict caffeine intake until at least 4 years of age).

Just sayin. And I don't ever trust the fast food dudes. Nope.

At 1:03 PM, Blogger Stephen said...

Yeah, I remember the day I discovered, to my incredulity, that Barqs was caffeinated. I think I was getting root beer for Elliott and didn't want him bouncing off the walls. Oops.

Then again, I don't think you'd consider Barqs "real" root beer. Though what is, these days?


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