Friday, August 08, 2008

Finally, a candidate enters the race whom I trust more than McCain or the Obamessiah

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

For one thing, her energy policy actually makes sense, which is more than I can say for Obama's policies on practically any subject (if one can refer to syrupy incoherence as a "policy" without committing assault on the English language), and I have reasonable confidence that Paris, while in office, will neither die, nor suffer Alzheimer's, nor take away my First Amendment rights, nor send engraved invitations to every man, woman and child south of the Rio Grande, any and all of which I strongly suspect to be on the McCain agenda.

For another, there is at least a possibility that if one of the other candidates points out to Paris, during a debate, that there are only 50 states in the Union, or that most Americans prefer winning wars to losing them, Paris's rejoinder will not be, "You're only saying that because you're prejudiced against blondes." And even if she does come back with such a blatant avoidance of the topic, she probably won't be serious about it and will be playing it strictly for laughs.

For another, Paris neither intends to start a religion starring herself, nor weighs every question of policy on a scale that consists almost entirely of the question, "To what extent can I use this to assure myself and the public that my fellow Republicans are morally inferior to the exalted magnificence of my incorruptibility?" Paris absolutely does not see herself as the Savior Of The World, and has probably never announced that she is The Incarnation Of The Promise That America Will Become Great Again. Nor is Mark Steyn ever likely to say of her that she is driven by "an indestructible belief in her own indispensability" (a line that I remember Steyn using in reference to McCain, but which he turns out to have aimed -- no doubt with perfect justice -- at at least five or six other Canadian and American politicians in their day, "his own indispensability" being about the only thing your ordinary politician really believes in). Paris emphatically does not consider herself morally superior to the rest of us. That makes her unique in the 2008 Presidential race.

And finally, while I would prefer a reasonably moral President, I at least feel quite confident that if when Paris gets busy while in office, unlike John Edwards or Bill Clinton, she won't lie to the American people about it.

So, you go, girl. I've surveyed the field; I've weighed the evils -- and you get my vote.


At 11:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Could she be the anti-christ? ;)


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