Tuesday, December 13, 2011

The e-mail every woman wants to receive after the first date doesn't work out

What's my favorite part of Mike's letter to Lauren? Oh, I don't know, there's so much to choose from. Could it be the deliciously phrased, "Things that happened during our date include, but are not limited to, the following:"? Or the equally elegant, "On a per-minute basis, I've never had as much eye contact during a date as I did with you"? Is it the bit where he complains that she led him on by playing with her hair too much? Is it where this guy, who takes cluelessness to levels never before achieved by the male species (and boy is THAT ever saying something) placidly lists among Things We Have In Common, "First, we're both very intelligent"? Or when, without the slightest hint of irony, he asks, "Am I sensitive person?" and immediately answers his own rhetorical question, "Sure, I am. I think it's better to be sensitive than to be insensitive. There are too many impolite, insensitive people in the world"? Or where he assures her, "I’m both a right-brain and left-brain man, given that I’m both an investment manager and a philosopher/writer"? Is it where he tries to figure out what exactly she meant by telling him, as the date was ending, "It was nice to meet you"? Is it where, in an attempt to get her to go on a second date with him, he calls her behavior "impolite, immature, passive aggressive, and cowardly"? Is it where he assures her, "FYI, I'm not a serial dater. Sometimes, I've only gone out with a woman for one date"? (Shocker, that last bit.) Is it...oh, but there's so much to enjoy and I've only just gotten started.

But I think, upon reflection, my favorite bit is this:
I suggest that we continue to go out and see what happens. Needless to say, I find you less appealing now (given that you haven't returned my messages) than I did at our first date. However, I would be willing to go out with you again. I'm open minded and flexible and am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.


Wow. I mean, I don't know what else to say. Double-u, oh, double-u.

Hat tip: Oh, wait, come to think of it, this one I actually didn't get from Dave. I think maybe it originally came from Ace but I can't find the link now.

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