The Devil's Dictionary: Christian (n.)
One who follows the teachings of Christ, insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
This one is one of my favorites, and therefore gets the whole day to itself.
But the truth is, -- I am not a wise man ; ---- and besides am a mortal of so little consequence in the world, it is not much matter what I do ; so I seldom fret or fume at all about it. -- Tristam Shandy