"Two Jokes With But A Single Tasteless Theme" Dept

The doctor looks over the top of his glasses at the elderly patient. "Well, Mr. Charlesworth, the results of your physical are in, and I have some bad news, I'm afraid."

The elderly gentleman smiles with cheerful resignation. "At my age, Doc, you expect bad news. What's the deal?"

"Two things. First of all, I'm very sorry to tell you this, but you have cancer."

The patient exhales slowly, then shrugs. "Okay, and what else?"

"I'm afraid our tests also show that you have Alzheimer's disease."

The patient mulls it over for a few seconds, staring down at his lap, then he looks up and smiles again. "Well, Doc, look at the bright side -- at least I don't have cancer."

---

That puts me in mind of a bonus joke that is perhaps tasteless but at least does not have the theme of making fun of old people (the second joke to which the post title refers will have to wait a moment)...

The patient slowly wakes up in the post-op hospital bed. As his mind clears, he sees the doctor standing next to his bed with a very pensive look on his face.

"How'd it go, Doc?" the patient whispers groggily.

The doctor looks very uncomfortable. "Well, there's good news and bad news."

"Why don't you get the bad news out of the way first and save the good news to cheer me up later?"

The doctor looks down and the floor and shuffles his feet. "Fine, fine, of course...um, I really don't know how this happened, and I'm very embarrassed to have to tell you this...in fact I don't really know how to put it...but, well, it seems there was a bit of confusion in the theatre, and what with one thing and another...we're really very very sorry, but...well, there's only one way to say it: somehow we seem to have amputated the wrong leg."

The patient is wide awake now. "Good God, Doc, for heaven's sake, give me the good news quick!"

The doctor's face brightens, and his eyes come back up to meet the patient's, and he says cheerfully, "Well, it's lookin' now like we won't have to cut the other one off after all..."

-----------

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming:

The door to the street swings open in the elegant little jazz bar downtown, and in walks a dapper, elegantly-dressed elderly gentleman. He looks around the room appreciatively and then spots, seated alone at the bar, a woman about his age, still very attractive and pleasant-looking. He walks up to her purposefully.

"May I join you?"

She gestures toward the empty barstool next to her and inclines her head graciously: "Please, be my guest."

He takes his seat and looks around. "This is a nice place." He looks at her. "Tell me...do I come here a lot?"