"How Do I Get Into the Witness Protection Program?" Dept

That is the question being asked by the young military cadet who suffers a petite-little-cheerleader butt-kicking, reminiscent of Ryan vs. Venturi, in this video, seen now by approximately all the people in the civilized world.



That guy's life is so over. Time for the permanently assumed name.

In actuality, the cheerleader, whose name is Carrie McPhee, is herself a military cadet whose hobbies include target shooting with rifles and who is scheduled to enter the Marines as a second lieutenant upon graduation from VMI. But she doesn't look like a Marine, and it's much more fun to think of her victim as having had his butt whomped by a cute little cheerleader than as having had his butt whomped by a Marine officer.

P.S. Can't very well refer to Ryan vs. Venturi without embedding that one as well. If this happened to every batter who charged the pitcher's mound, the world would be a better place. This is because brawls in baseball almost never happen unless a batter charges the mound, but they always happend when the batter charges. If every batter thinking of charging the mound knew that the first thing people would think of whenever his name was mentioned, for the rest of his life, was, "Oh, yeah, that guy that Nolan Ryan humiliated," very few batters would charge the mound and we would have very few baseball brawls. Robin Ventura was an outstanding baseball player -- but say the name "Robin Ventura" and of the people who don't say, "Who?" nine out of ten will instantly think, "Nolan Ryan" -- and start laughing.